Lance the Turtle is the twentieth song of Silly Songs with Larry. It was featured in Gideon: Tuba Warrior
With Larry absent, the French Peas force Bob to stand in with a replacement segment called "Ukulele Karaoke with Bob". Confused and completely unprepared, Bob sings the lyrics to his backup singers, "The Wiggly Turtle Toobies" (a group of peas perched on turtle-shaped cut-outs). Just as Bob is starting to enjoy the song, he accidentally shreds his script through a fan, forcing the Peas to hastily tape the script back together – thus creating completely nonsensical lyrics.
Lyrics
Announcer: And now it's time for Ukulele Karaoke with Bob. The part of the show when Bob comes out and sings an Ukulele Karaoke.
Bob: Uh, what's going on? (Jean-Claude comes in)
Jean-Claude: You're doing the Ukulele Karaoke, no?
Bob: No, I'm on a break. This is the Pirates'—
Jean-Claude: They are busy with the rest of the show.
Bob: B-But I don't even know the song. (Jean-Claude gives Bob lyrics)
Jean-Claude: Your lyrics, monsieur. (to Phillipe) Bring in the props!
Bob: But-
Phillipe: Waikiki! (A palm tree prop, volcano prop, and lamp fall in. Phillipe comes in with fan) Your island breeze, monsieur!
Bob: Hold on a sec! I'm totally unprepared to do a solo! (The Wiggly Turtle Toobies come in)
Jean-Claude: Your backup singers.
Bob: What? Isn't that the-
Jean-Claude: Oui, they are the Wiggly Turtle Toobies.
Bob: The Wiggly Turtle Toobies? They look taller on TV.
Phillipe: So do you, tomato!
Bob: But really, this is Larry's gig! I can't just—
Jean-Claude: The show must go on, monsieur! (music begins) Quick, that is your cue! Just follow along, you will be fine.
Bob: But—
WTT:
Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance.
Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance.
Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance.
Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance.
Bob:
Well, I keep a little turtle at my Uncle and my Aunt's.
My auntie's name is Myrtle, and my island turtle's name is Lance.
He doesn't wander far, even if he has a chance.
He just plays his ukulele and he does the hula dance.
...what?
WTT:
Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance.
Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance.
Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance.
Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance.
Bob:
He threw a luau barbecue one breezy summer night. (Phillipe turns on fan)
Invited all his turtle pals to come and have a wiki bite.
The turtles started walking there as Lance began to swing.
The one who lived across the street arrived there in the Spring.
(as the WTT are singing) Oh, I get it! Turtles are slow, so it took him a long time. That's pretty good.
WTT:
Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance.
Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance.
Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance.
Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance.
Bob:
But Lance just kept on cooking, he was grilling full of glee. (sits on chair)
He was marinating ribs cause he liked— (lyrics unintentionally shred through fan, along with his newspaper)
Uh... (reading pieces of lyrics) Syrup with his feta cheese?
I-I'm sorry, I— (Jean-Claude and Phillipe tape up lyrics and newspaper as two sheets and give them to Bob)
Lance's purple turtle shell has ketchup if you please.
Pineapples are shiny! Spotted tiki bumblebees?!
Oh, man!
WTT:
Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance.
Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance.
Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance.
Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance.
Bob: Wait a minute. Guys, I don't think this is right. It doesn't make any sense.
Phillipe: It works for us! Ha-ha!
Bob: But-
Jean-Claude: The song! The song!
Bob: Uh...
There are luscious chocolate fingers, spinning slowly in the school.
Mele Kalikimaka. Fluffy bunnies diving in the pool.
Uh, Larry?!
Thousand igloos wax the beach, spray luggage in the tree.
Raining puppies, flying clowns. Flossing punahele- (hula dancer falls on Bob)
Ow! Oh, forget it. (Bob leaves)
Phillipe:
Oh-ho! Lapoka sneezes coconuts. Tahiti yo-yo leg.
Wahine with spaghetti sauce, don't make the fuzzy parrot beg.
Jean-Claude:
Paper, plastic porcupines. The horsey makes his bed.
The humu-humu-nuku-nuku-apua'ua wasn't fed.
Jean-Claude, Phillipe, & WTT:
Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance. (continuing under dialogue)
Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance.
Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance.
Lance the Turtle...
Dance-dance-dance.
Announcer: This has been Ukulele Karaoke with Bob. Tune in next time when Bob says:
Bob: I'll be in my dressing room.
Fun Facts
Trivia
- This song was originally going to be in LarryBoy and the Bad Apple, but was pushed to Gideon: Tuba Warrior since they already made Rock On, LarryBoy during production. Incidentally, the front of the newspaper Bob was reading has an image of Bumblyburg.
- This was the very first Silly Song to be released on Blu-Ray.
- This is the second Silly Song song the French Peas are involved in, first being Larry's High Silk Hat.
- This song was featured in the VeggieTales FitnessHof episode "Laura allein zu Hause".
- In some DVD releases, the line "So do you, tomato!" is muted.
- The nonsensical lyrics of the song was inspired by Tim Hodge who has magnetic poetry sets on his refrigerator and loved randomizing words.
Real-World References
- The Wiggly Turtle Toobies could be a spoof of Australia's popular children's music group The Wiggles, who have their own TV show, which first premiered in the US on Playhouse Disney (now Disney Junior), then proceeded to Sprout (now Universal Kids).
- Mele Kalikimaka is the name of a Christmas song and is also the Hawaiian term for Merry Christmas.
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